I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
