My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
