I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Randomize
