There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
