I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
and she was petting her beer can
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It's blow job season.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Randomize
