I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
