i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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