I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
