No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
