New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
