it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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