I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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