Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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