i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
