I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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