i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
