Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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