Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
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