You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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