CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i drank out of a bidet.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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