Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
