He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
