Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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