Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
