so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
