There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
