thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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