Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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