the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
