thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
