my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
What a dumb baby whore.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
