...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
