I have demons in me.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
