Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Dicks are not precious.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
