I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
