Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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