I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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