I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
