3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
