I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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