did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
