Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
