I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
