Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
