Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
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