'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
