my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I am naked and annoyed.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
