i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
