she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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