I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
