sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Is Oprah even human
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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