Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
